Crusader Kings Only 3.2&? What Do You Guys Even Play This Game For?

Only 3.2&? What Do You Guys Even Play This Game For?
I'm a what now?
Ohhhhh the irony is not lost on me.
I made a working France map
hey guys, I won the game.
...Did I just pardon myself?
Haesteinn is not OP
I love that this event was accompanied by the dramatic declaration of war music.
The most OUTRAGEOUS character I've ever seen - and they're not even mine
started as a 0 year old in island and had to fight a troll, good dlc
Succession is going to be *interesting*
The Intrepid Adventures of the Crusaders. Or how fucking dumb is the AI in this game.
Chad pope taking a direct approach to crusading
I usually let my SO name my kids but holy crap this is next level of bad
The 867 experience
Wow... Just.. Wow. I can't believe you've done this.
Who were the Tamil Kings? Karlings, probably.
hmmm
That look in her eyes....
My sadistic cannibal brother who keeps dueling and slaying our siblings
the most famous viking
I sacrificed The Pope as a Norseman and got this event!
Flavor pack mastered !

Only 3.2&? What Do You Guys Even Play This Game For?

Posted: 22 Mar 2021 04:03 AM PDT

submitted by /u/QuercinePenetralia
[link] [comments]

I'm a what now?

Posted: 22 Mar 2021 04:30 AM PDT

submitted by /u/DanniArn
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Ohhhhh the irony is not lost on me.

Posted: 21 Mar 2021 04:04 PM PDT

submitted by /u/VomitusDiarrheacus
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I made a working France map

Posted: 22 Mar 2021 09:16 AM PDT

submitted by /u/Edouard_Saladier
[link] [comments]

hey guys, I won the game.

Posted: 22 Mar 2021 09:27 AM PDT

submitted by /u/Karolus2001
[link] [comments]

...Did I just pardon myself?

Posted: 21 Mar 2021 08:57 PM PDT

submitted by /u/Boltonhero
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Haesteinn is not OP

Posted: 22 Mar 2021 03:51 AM PDT

submitted by /u/ben_maios
[link] [comments]

I love that this event was accompanied by the dramatic declaration of war music.

Posted: 22 Mar 2021 05:02 AM PDT

submitted by /u/Kapitan_eXtreme
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The most OUTRAGEOUS character I've ever seen - and they're not even mine

Posted: 22 Mar 2021 07:35 AM PDT

Hoo boy,

Sit right there and I'll tell you a story of this absolute monolith of a man that suddenly showed up on my shores and changed my whole campaign. A hale handsome genius, this Norse Mediterranean bastard went on an adventure to Russia that landed him as a Jarl right on the border of my realm. Once I vassalized him, I seriously considered switching to him, but that's not what happened. Let's start from the beginning.

Or, alternatively, you could skip straight to the end and see what's waiting down there. The story's long, after all. But where's the fun in that?

See, I was doing a custom character run to create a matriarchal Russian Viking empire that I dubbed the 'what if Rurik was a chick' run. I had the Empire of Rus, but not quite all of its territory yet when 14-year-old Count Hrodulf Hrodulfsson af Menorca left his home and invaded the Duchy of Pereyaslavl, which may have only been a single county, but it was still an interesting enough occurrence and a potential opportunity, so out of curiosity I decided to check out my new neighbour.

I immediately noticed his full suite of genetic traits, but what really piqued my interest was his 'Bastard House Founder' trait. I needed to understand how this guy had suddenly come up out of nowhere and so I did some in-depth detective work, going through every branch of his family tree I could find right back to the game's start date and piecing things together, and things only got more interesting the more I dug. This, I am reasonably certain, is his story.

Hrodulf was born into the court of Count Skjord Ragnarsson Haesteining of Menorca to Skjord's concubine, Ingrid, but it was clear that Skjord was not the father. Skjord himself was the second son of Ragnar, son of the original Haesteinn. Haesteinn had successfully invaded the Kingdom of Alba this campaign, and at some point also the isle of Menorca, which starts weak, independent and within Haesteinn's diplomatic range in 867.

Hrodulf, the man that Hrodulf was named after (twice) was his true father. It's not clear if that's the reason his first name was Hrodulf or if it was just random chance. He was Ingrid's lover, and was a Haesteining Asatru faithful with the Scots culture (a lot of the Haesteinn progeny were weird like this) This meant that when Hrodulf was born, his culture was Scots too. He was educated by one of Ingrid's Norse relatives, Hrodulf's half-cousin, and so changed cultures at some point in his childhood before starting his Adventure. Hrodulf Sr had the Genius trait (handed down from Haesteinn's Quick trait), and Ingrid had the Pretty trait. Not only did Hrodulf inherit both these traits, but he got Hale through random chance too. Obviously the game knew that he had good blood running through his veins. Hrodulf's dynasty was Haesteining, but because he was born out of wedlock, he was stuck as a bastard of the house.

Seemingly destined to inherit nothing, he nevertheless spent his outsider days working hard, picking up the Diligent, Arrogant and Ambitious traits and adopting a Learning focus. He also was a Poet, which I hadn't realised was possible as a child. With these traits, and his impressive genes, people in the three-county vassal state of Menorca started to hear about Hrodulf's virtues and unusual stirrings began. You see, Skjord was a deeply unpopular ruler, a cynical and forgiving indulgent wastrel, deep in debt, and who failed to live up to the glorious standards of his Asatru court and was equally hated by the Catholic peasants. Hrodulf may have been a bastard, but he still had an implicit claim to his liege's throne thanks to his true father being of the correct dynasty. When a faction came to overthrow Skjord's rule, they placed 10-year-old Hrodulf on the throne as their claimant. Skjord was forced to abdicate and fled to the court of his older brother, the King of Scotland. He died not long after, and two years later an outbreak of bubonic plague swept through the court, claiming his mother's life. Hrodulf was left as an orphan, but one with a throne and a world of possibilities at his fingertips.

Having suddenly acquired land as a bastard, Hrodulf founded his own bastard line, af Menorca. With the prestige from this in-game event, and the bonus prestige from his Arrogant trait, Hrodulf acquired enough support to launch an adventure against the only part of Russia he could reach, Pereyaslavl.

This is the part of the story where I come in.

The newly crowned Jarl turned 16, and when he came of age, Eliza Rurikid insinuated herself into his life. A renowned diplomat and Norse Empress, I was able to sway, befriend and subsequently vassalize Jarl Hrodulf, making him not just my friend but my Champion and Steward. I wanted him to be as close as possible so that I might get as much story potential out of him as I could. Before he came of age, Hrodulf's half-cousin and educator had committed suicide, and Hrodulf had completed his education himself, only ending up as an Astute Intellectual rather than a Mastermind Philosopher. When I adopted the Russian culture, Hrodulf was 25, and he followed suit, changing his title to Grand Prince of Pereyaslavl. With his lineup of traits, he took the Strengthen Bloodline decision and gained the nickname 'The Blood-Father,' especially awesome considering he was the house founder.

He was quite useful to me as a fighter in wars, and his not-quite-perfect learning score was more than counterbalanced by his talent for making money and his poetry. The man wrote a lot of poetry, and must have been writing one almost every week of the year, or at least it felt like that. Eventually, I received a poem from Hrodulf of a very different nature. He was trying to seduce me. It made sense through game logic, since his opinion of me was so high, but I dared to think that perhaps these two characters were drawn together by a shared experience of being natural leaders. When we lay together, I asked him to become my lover, but he refused. In the end, it seems, he was just after more power.

Hordulf was wounded in a duel against his rival, and died shortly after. Not from the wound, though. In actuality, his life was taken by a hunting accident out in the humble woods of the Russian capital of Turov. He was shot by a stray arrow, in the back – which invites the question – was this an accident? The person that loosed that arrow may have borne some grudge against him for a promise unfulfilled, or something of the sort.

And I'd know. After all, I'm the one who killed him.

So, what I'm trying to say is

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhinPd5RRJw

How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore
And a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot;
Mediterranean, a province that's impoverished
In squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?

The 'Blood-Father,' founding father without a father
Got a lot farther by working a lot harder
By being a lot smarter
By being a self-starter
By fourteen, they placed him in charge of Pereyaslavl

And every day while slaves were being slaughtered and carted away
Across the waves, he struggled and kept his guard up
Inside, he was longing for something to be a part of
The brother was ready to raid, steal, borrow, or barter

Then an uprising came, and devastation reigned
Our man saw his future drip, dripping down the drain
Put a ink quill to his temple, connected it to his brain
And he wrote his first refrain, a testament to his pain

Well, the word got around, they said, this kid is insane, man
Stared up a faction just to send him to the mainland
Get your education, don't forget from whence you came
And the world is gonna know your name
What's your name, man?

Grand Prince Hrodulf Hrodulfsson
My name is Grand Prince Hrodulf Hrodulfsson
And there's a million things I haven't done
But just you wait, just you wait

When he was ten his father split, full of it, debt-ridden
Two years later, see Hrodulf and his mother bed-ridden
Half-dead sittin' in their own sick, the scent thick

And Hrodulf got better but his mother went quick

Moved in with a cousin, the cousin committed suicide
Left him with nothin' but ruined pride, something new inside
A voice saying, "Hrodulf, you gotta fend for yourself"

He started retreatin' and readin' every poem on the shelf

There would have been nothin' left to do for someone less Astute
He woulda been dead or destitute without a cent of restitution
He'd been workin', clerkin' for his late mother's Man, Skjord
Waitin' for his claim and robbing all the things he can't afford
Scammin' for every book he can get his hands on
Plannin' for the future see him now as he stands on
The bow of a ship headed for the new land
In Turov you can be a new man

In Turov you can be a new man (just you wait)
In Turov you can be a new man (just you wait)
In Turov you can be a new man

In Turov, Turov
Just you wait

Grand Prince Hrodulf Hrodulfsson

I've been writing this whole thing for you

I've got better things to do

You could Never Back Down
You never learned to take your time

Oh, Grand Price Hrodulf Hrodulfsson

Grand Prince Hrodulf Hrodulfsson

When this Reddit post sings for you
Will they know what you overcame?
Will they think I made up this game?
The world will never be the same, oh

The ship is in the river now
See if you can spot him (just you wait)

Another immigrant comin' up from the bottom (just you wait)

His enemies destroyed his rep the Rurikids forgot him