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    Home Unlabelled Crusader Kings "It's always that one weird vassal who becomes an Adamite..."

    Crusader Kings "It's always that one weird vassal who becomes an Adamite..."

    October 30, 2021

    Crusader Kings "It's always that one weird vassal who becomes an Adamite..."

    "It's always that one weird vassal who becomes an Adamite..."

    Posted: 29 Oct 2021 09:14 PM PDT

    The ballad of Dildo the Cat

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 07:30 AM PDT

    Saddest CK3 event?

    Posted: 29 Oct 2021 09:33 PM PDT

    My heir just died in warfare. I commemorate him with this picture of his prime.

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 10:21 AM PDT

    It's so cute! Hugging Sweden from behind

    Posted: 29 Oct 2021 06:48 PM PDT

    I mean. When your wife looks like this and your sister looks like this, what are you supposed to do.

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 05:27 AM PDT

    Are you actually able to commit suicide in this game?

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 12:59 AM PDT

    I swear to god I've attempted suicide like ten times through the course of my games. I've tried various methods multiple times on rulers and it has never once succeeded. Is this button just a false choice? What's the success rate on 'commit suicide'?

    submitted by /u/garden-of-mazes
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    How do I switch from Feudal to Clan as a Muslim?

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 07:45 AM PDT

    How the hell does county control work?! New to the game, super confused!

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 09:02 AM PDT

    A spectre is haunting Europe: the spectre of SPOOKY POLAND

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 11:19 AM PDT

    No girls are allowed

    Posted: 29 Oct 2021 06:15 PM PDT

    Focus Challenge Part 3: Intrigue: HOO FUCKIN BOY.

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 07:57 AM PDT

    Focus Challenge Part 3: Intrigue: HOO FUCKIN BOY.

    Look, I. Literally can't fit the text for what happened in Duke Arsenio's lifetime above the image. It's a lot. If anyone's curious it'll be under the death image, but here's the highlights:

    • Banged the hell out of his sister-cousin, completely fucking up three countries in the process
    • Was besties with his son, whose wife he was shagging because he was besties with his son and wanted to give The Good Genes
    • Killed so. many. people. so many. holy fuck, I wish I knew the actual number.
    • Leapt the playable branch of the Giudices from Dukes to Emperors, or very nearly, in 45 years. His son's son will be Basileus.
    • Laid siege to Constantinople and took the emperor himself.

    ​

    https://preview.redd.it/dipqk2slplw71.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=f17ecddd54ce51ae06b8c45a59c618f76bb84bea

    DUKE ARSENIO GIUDICE of SARDINIA: Arsenio was twenty-seven when he inherited his father's lands, and his first moves were to impregnate his wife---Princess Charlotte---and murder his sister's supposed father-in-law, thus landing his inbred brother/cousin on the throne of Burgundy. This would mark the first time that a Giudice had ever ruled a kingdom. From there, he moved on to seduce Letizia, and to murder Princess Charlotte's niece who stood between her and the throne. In many ways, he was truly his father's son---deceptive, lustful, and ballsy. Charlotte bore Arsenio his first son, whom he named Adone after his father. He was pleased to find that his own natural brilliance overcame his wife's slow nature, and his son was as beautiful as himself to boot. However, playing to both the political necessities of his relationship with his plain-faced wife and his more carnal appetites with his sister proved difficult. After Charlotte discovered the two of them at a feast, Arsenio put Letizia aside for a time, but their relationship inevitably resumed.

    Lust followed Arsenio throughout his life. Even as he was seducing his sister for the second time, an African vassal of his who had always loathed him fell into his bed. As she slept beside him after their time passed together, he smothered her in her sleep in order to have her lands taken over by her mother, who in her old age would be soon to pass her lands on to Arsenio to be redistributed as he saw fit. This much went smoothly, but her body was barely cold when Lanfranco---despite his relatively dim wits---discovered that Arsenio was sleeping with Letizia. He revealed their secret to the world, casting the stabilities of Burgundy, Sardinia, and Italy into peril. However, the timing was excellent. Princess Charlotte's brother was assassinated within days of the revelation, thereby making her queen of Italy before any move could be made toward divorce.

    Still, it seemed he need not have worried: Charlotte doggedly pursued him, doing all she could to maintain his love. She spent the last years of her life writing him poetry before dying in childbirth bearing one of his sons. This left the six-year-old Prince Adone as king of Italy, facing a Byzantine invasion with only his father's help. It wasn't enough. Italy fell to the Byzantines, and Arsenio was forced to switch tact. He swiftly betrothed the young Adone, now only Count of Apuila, to the granddaughter of Basileus Philotheos. Then he set about killing the Basileus himself. Meanwhile, Lanfranco passed away from the complications of his inbreeding, leaving Letizia as Queen Mother to a hunchbacked King Adone of Burgundy---and as beneficiary to Arsenio's contribution to the upcoming Crusade of Jerusalem.

    As the war in Jerusalem raged, Arsenio left most of the strategizing to his commanders, instead choosing to focus on the succession of the Byzantine Empire. With Philotheos dead and Count Adone betrothed to Princess Basillike, all that stood between the Giudices and the throne of the Byzantine Empire were the assassinations of Princess Basillike's brothers and father---and then the death of Basillike herself, once she had borne a Giudice child. Arsenio worked slowly, methodically, not wanting to destabilize the empire he wanted for his son by putting Basillike on the throne as a child.

    While he waited for his plans to come to fruition, Arsenio turned his thoughts to the administration of his lands and how to best make money. After all, should young Adone become Emperor of Byzantium, he would need the money in order to maintain stability. Arsenio put down uprisings here and there, watching as Byzantium consumed Burgundy, all the while biding his time to carry out the assassinations he needed to. Adone grew up and wedded Basillike, and the two named their first child after Arsenio---but the boy was large and ungainly, and Arsenio found him imperfect. Like Renata before him, he sought to stamp out impurities in the bloodline. Shortly after killing Arsenio II, Arsenio killed Basillike's father, and was left with only Arsenio's girl cousin to kill. However, his assassin contacts were exhausted, so he turned to more brutish methods: kidnapping and execution. Arsenio was widely reviled for the move, but the deed was done, and he was that much closer to Giudice Byzantine rule.

    Compared to past assassinations, the emperor was easy, and Princess Basillike became empress of the Byzantine Empire---with her husband, Adone Giudice, at her side. However, all was not well. It wasn't long before Arsenio discovered that he wasn't the only one scheming to murder his way through lines of succession. Basillike's younger sister, Sibylla, was plotting to murder Basillike and Adone's baby daughter. Before Arsenio could take action, Basillike was deposed, and he knew he had to act. First, he swore fealty to the new empress---a hardened woman named Apollonia. Then he began a faction against her to install Basillike upon the throne once more.

    Basillike responded with enthusiasm, and soon Arsenio and Basillike were scheming together. Arsenio being the man he was, it wasn't long before he was sleeping with her as well, letting her take comfort in him as deeply as she did in drink. However, he was not the only lover she took, and even as he toiled to establish her on the throne once more it was revealed that she was pregnant by a commoner. Arsenio demanded that she choose between him or the commoner, and she claimed to choose him.

    The journey to install Basillike on the throne was a long and arduous one, spanning years, and Arsenio was haunted by his own mortality as well as the obstacles that stymied him at every turn. When Adone contracted pneumonia, Arsenio panicked, launching into war against the Basileus in a desperate attempt to see his son named Emperor before either of them died. A vicious siege upon Constantinople bore fruit: the Basileus was captured, and the war was over. Basillike was empress once more, with Giudice children in line for the throne.

    However, Arsenio had reason to suspect that Basillike's only son amongst a horde of daughters was neither Arsenio's nor Adone's. He was an unremarkable boy, quiet, and to Arsenio's mind altogether useless. Arsenio killed him, his eldest sister, and Adone's first grandchild before finally finding an heir he considered suitable. Adone was destroyed by grief, but the future of the lineage was safe.

    submitted by /u/HoneyButterAddict
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    Why did I think it was a good idea to go for "Mother of us all" and "A perfect circle" at the same time....

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 01:19 AM PDT

    After a good few decades of buggering about with land management, I managed to make the Pope a Horse.

    Posted: 29 Oct 2021 12:12 PM PDT

    Playing as Asturias is pure suffering, this Stacy right here was meant to be my ruler

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 09:38 AM PDT

    Has anyone encountered this error before?

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 07:23 AM PDT

    Blast from the past.

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 10:03 AM PDT

    Alea iacta est

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 04:47 AM PDT

    I finally restored the north sea empire

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 09:09 AM PDT

    You've seen sister-wife, you've seen mother-cousin-sister. Now, it's time for the wife-sister-in-law!

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 11:38 AM PDT

    CK3: Any tips on playing as a Duke or Count?

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 11:37 AM PDT

    I've tried playing as a count and also a duke in West Francia and usually I can only pick up a few counties (not even within the same duchy). I tried adding a Feudal Law to the duchy of Flanders being the only one landed in it, but I guess at duke status it caused my vassals to take land when my ruler died.

    submitted by /u/ScottMcPot
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    Focus Challenge Part 4: Intrigue: Phew

    Posted: 30 Oct 2021 09:03 AM PDT

    Focus Challenge Part 4: Intrigue: Phew

    Thank god, something short and simple after the last one.

    BASILEUS ADONE GIUDICE II of THE BYZANTINE EMPIRE: Adone II was forty-two when his father died, and he took over Sardinia in the midst of an uprising against his wife, the new empress of the Byzantine empire, and swiftly helped her put it down. However, not all was perfect harmony between them. While Arsenio had easily buckled to Basillike's demand to convert to Orthodoxy, Adone felt drawn back to Catholicism, the faith of his childhood.

    However, that is not to say that he was wholly a pious man. As seemed to be the curse of the Giudices, he was beset with his own lusts, and had the justification that one day his daughter Brunhilde would (as Basillike was growing too old to have a son) be empress and needed to have a strong, pure-blooded heir of her own. Soon she was pregnant, although it was most likely her husband's, rather than Adone II's. He found his lust drawn next towards the Pope himself. As he planned to gain the Pope's attention, he quietly had Brunhilde's first daughter murdered for the blood impurity that gave her the scaly patches on her skin.

    He nearly killed another of Brunhilde's children when a baby boy, Gabriele, came out resembling him too strongly. Paranoid that someone might uncover the truth of their relationship, he nearly had the boy assassinated before coming to his senses and cancelling the plans. Meanwhile, his sights set on Bulgaria, he seduced the daughter-in-law of the king in order to divert the course of succession in a more manageable way.

    Even as he was seducing women both for family bonding and for political gain, he was outraged to discover his own wife's infidelity---not because she had found another, but because she had chosen someone of ignoble birth. His own lover in Bulgaria was discovered and executed before those plans could come to anything. He lived a quiet, peaceful life, enjoying the fruits of his father's planning before dying of old age at 62.

    https://preview.redd.it/lmjtc2vy1mw71.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=a3092cf7548b0f682754f9b2a7cbb1d2fde4a8d5

    submitted by /u/HoneyButterAddict
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